No one

​There’s no one left,

Nothing at all;

Not one 

To encourage, to care, to love.

Here, standing

In the shade of the void,

At the edge of salvation..

In the long term of life,

Many had helped,

In times of need,

Gratefulness remains

Until the last breath –

To those who had helped

Heal physical scars;

As for the invisible ones,

They may never heal,

For,

In this ocean-deep sorrow

That drenches mountains together

They do not disappear

With a flick of the finger.

As days pass,

The torment only grows,

For,

There is nothing in this world

That can cure

Like a selfless, loving heart;

One which is rarest to find

In this world

Where humans take advantage

Of everything

That tries to stay kind

And does not harm.

In a world where no one

Feels the pain 

Of a friend;

Where, on public opinion,

Being able to insult someone

Is the best that friendship can offer.

Whereas,

Being there,

Trying to be kind to them

Is something that’s 

Out of fashion.

And still acting,

Like best pals, friends of old,

Forgetting the past

Where opinions had not been important,

One may never even foresee

The future

That brazenly lies

Before their eyes.

It will never be easy

Mingling with people

Who pinpoint, judge and ridicule

Your every move,

And yet,

Call you a friend.

Monsoon

​My scarred feet

Run on the dew-filled grass,

Feeling the smoothness,

The comfort, the smell of wet soil

Healing my feet

The droplets that fall

Touch my hair,

Bringing flowers along

From the trees above

And their fragrance

And the clouds huddle together

Promising more

Of this monsoon-ish weather

As young boys kick at footballs

In the murky streets

Corn is served, fresh and hot

And so is coffee in the café;

Although many have cozy beds to cuddle in at home,

They ride around in raincoats

As hurriedly as they can.

And women of the house rush

To rescue the clothes that hang

In their balconies;

But it is too late, dear ladies,

The clothes are long drenched by now.

I run along the patch of land

That’s green, that’s drenched,

Every building sparkling before me

As though newly polished

Before dusk.

Painting serene monochrome pictures

On the streets that we everyday see,

Adding a dull colour to the sky we fear

The rain, an artist in itself,

Makes green plants emerge from holes and cracks.

— I hate this, but I wrote it and didn’t know what to do with it, so I’m posting it. I just tried writing something happy and ended up writing something boring–

My Adenium plant

I have gotten this plant last weekend. It feels like I have something of my own after bringing this to the hostel. I kept it in the terrace, because it needs much sunlight – it’s a tropical plant. It grows like a bonsai, but much taller. Its flowers bloom in the spring – called the desert rose- have to wait for it. Not even sure if mine will flower, but Chennai is quite  a tropical area. 😀 But it dies when the temperature goes down, so I have to be careful in the winter. Although I was excited while bringing it, I’m forgetting to water it everyday. But since this plant makes me feel like I have something for myself – a living being that is ALL mine, it feels happy.

Deserted Ocean

I try harder,

Swimming in this ocean

Trying to find something;

But there’s nothing.

I look for shiny pearls,

For the cranky seashells that contain them,

For the jellyfish that sting,

For the fishes, large and tiny

For eels, for whales,

Royal-looking Stingrays,

Or the brainy octopuses,

Even phytoplanktons –

Come what may.

But nothing.

Becoming dinner this evening,

For a bunch of hungry sharks

Does sound much better

Than swimming deeper and deeper

Into this deserted ocean

All alone.

As I go further,

The light recedes,

And a never-ending blue

Is laid out

In front of me.. to explore.

And yet, 

There’s no one down here

To say it’s okay,

To say ‘you’re  not alone’,

To brighten my day.

Because, deep down here,

Into the depths of the heart,

Loneliness is all there is.

And loneliness is all there will ever be.

This emptiness

​In this emptiness,

That has developed

A crack

In the window

Of my soul,

I seek

To tame

The beast inside,

As my mind

Searches the one thing

That keeps me sane

In this sea

Of chaos,

Of uncertainty,

Of all the unloved days,

Looking for a flicker

Of light, or of hope

In the dark

Of my heart

As memories fade,

And times change

People fall in and out

Of the velvety place

Of the heart

Where they have stayed

And during this period

Of emptiness,

They’ve all treaded out

With heavy shoes

Causing pain

And have not returned;

And in this emptiness,

I shall strive

To find myself,

Save myself,

While this void extends 

To the end

Of the horizon,

Where the molten lava

Eats up my fears

Alive.

Where there is salvation,

Where my heart 

Becomes pure,

Where I can forget

All sorrows

And drown

Into the fiery liquid

That consumes me entirely;

When I can finally

Be at peace.

Someone to care

​As thunder struck by my windowsill,

I looked through the window,

And wondered where you are.

Droplets touched the earth below

In a hectic frenzy

Probably searching for you.

The lightning was bright and tall,

Frequently disturbing the black

Looking in the dark for you.

The storm lasted the whole night

Waves of the sea thrashing on the shore,

Desperately for you.

The rain finally receded,

Thinking, it might, with its cold raindrops,

Drench you.

A dull sun came up next morning,

As it mourned, for you

Hiding behind the clouds.

But none of them know the truth

But I; that you’re otherworldly,

You don’t exist.

Still, a tiny flame of hope 

Lights my dark heart

An irrational one, for sure.

That I can reach the sky,

Touch the clouds,

And find you.

What others have failed,

I will do.

I will finally find you.

What is a figment of my imagination

Will one day be true,

That’s when this emptiness ends.

Escape

​I wish I had a safe haven

More like a forest

Forbidden to humans 

But just a dog

Or a ladybug

Or simply a stuffed toy

And my guitar;

Where I can escape to

Every time I’m down

To express my grief

To the trees

That listen to my melancholy songs;

Where it never hurts

Where you never feel left out

Where it’s always silent

Where I can be my own self

Where water trickling

From the spring nearby

Can be heard

In the intervals that I stop

Playing my guitar.

Where birds console me

With their songs

And wipe away

All my grief and guilt

Where I can be away

From all the words

In the human world

That people utter

That make me want to

Escape 

Into this forest

Where I can get 

All the sunshine I need, 

And grow

To know

No greed

Nor sorrow.

I don’t care.

​What do I care

If you get hit by a bus

What do I care

If you don’t feel well

What do I care?

Go freeze to death

On your way to hell

For you can’t even tell

When I don’t care even an inch

Because I know

With your stubborn will

You are not one to heed warnings

Because people like me

Are just 

Not worth listening to.

Step into the scorching fire,

Or plunge into a lone well..

I will never care.

Nor will I ever write poems

To channel my fury,

To control my anger,

Because you

Will never be the person

Whom I cared for the most of all.

Because you

Are not my best friend.

Because you

Can do whatever you want.

I don’t care.

At all.

Still,

Be careful.

Do take care.

And I didn’t say I cared.

No, not even a bit.

Interval

​This interval is what bothers me.

The minutes that follow,

The silence that settles,

The confusion, the chaos..

Every mistake, 

Resounding like an echo;

And as the end of every week

Or month

Draws near,

And expectations arise,

And memories conjured

Of happy moments

Seeming like things of the past,

Like pieces of a mirror

Reflecting a broken self;

And coming back

To this interval

That follows.

Like a trench in the ocean

Seeming long forgotten

But always looked out for,

As time flies by,

This interval grows;

On the other side of this interval,

Is hope, 

Of a renewed friendship,

Of bonds of eternal care;

And I shall wait,

Silently,

In awkwardness and guilt,

For what I’ve done,

Trapped in this interval

Of nothingness

That will extend 

Until what seems

Like the end of time.

Forget me.

​Neither my rudeness

Nor my neutrality towards you

Matters at this point;

Because finally

You are now free..

And here I fall

Into the abyss

Of ice

And woe.

Neither my apathy

Nor my unresponsiveness

Really needs to be recollected;

Because finally

You are now free..

And here I fall

Into the abyss

Of ice

And woe.

Neither my cold stares

Nor my wicked sneers

Are important this minute;

Because finally

You are now free..

And here I fall

Into the abyss

Of ice

And woe.

Neither the pain I’d endured

Nor my longing for olden times

Will you ever fathom;

Because finally

You are now free..

And here I fall

Into the abyss

Of ice

And woe.

Neither my agony

Nor my silent cries

Will you ever hear;

Because finally

You are now free..

And here I fall

Into the abyss

Of ice

And woe.

Neither your mind

Nor your heart

Will henceforth reach out to me;

Because finally

You are now free..

And here I fall

Into the abyss

Of ice

And woe.

Neither the love I had hidden within

Nor the closeness I thought existed

Is required anymore;

Because finally

You are now free.. 

Like a feather,

From the grip that I had held so loosely.

And here,

As I fall deeper and deeper,

Into the bottomless abyss

Of ice so cold,

And untold tales of woe,

You gradually forget me.