Adamant

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Being adamant
All the way,
Never coming down
To listen to opinions,
Incapable of extinguishing
This ego
Once and for all,
Not willing to put up a fight,
And yet
Not wanting to compromise;
Being an emotionless stone,
Void of passion
Or hue,
Being that person
Sitting on the top
Of a cold mountain,
As if life
Was meant to be
Lonely,
With a constant commotion
In the back of my mind,
An urge to run
Far, far away;
Like looking for a needle
In a haystack,
I know I will never find
True happiness.

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Illusional hope

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Whenever there’s this spark,
Whenever there’s this sliver
Of light,
Whenever I’m lost
In this illusion
Of happiness,
Whenever I’m away
From reality’s scorching beams,
Into a world of dreams,
One of happiness,
I try to hold on,
Clinging
So as to not fall off,
Into the trench meant for me
And become frozen
And then again, burnt
In place;
Whenever I see
A slim opportunity
Of a beautiful destiny,
I try to climb on,
I try to hold on
And rejoice
In the land of dreams
Like it was meant for me to be.

Loser

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I have lost –
Not once,
Not twice,
But many, many times
On many, many days
At many occasions;
Not courageous enough
To pick up the sword and fight,
I have given up
Without much try;
I have surrendered
With swift goodbyes;
Going out had been easier
Than coming in,
And I had lost, many times
To my own self
And to others;
Even if it was painful,
I cared not –
My brittle resolve
Had led me nowhere,
And now, here I am,
Lost in the middle
Of this island
Where lethargy creeps in,
And I settle down for less;
And yet, my brain stays awake,
Entangling all thoughts
To a relentless turmoil
That keeps reminding me
What a loser I had been.

Rain, come again

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Rain, oh rain,
Come again
And again –
Tonight
And tomorrow
And every other day;
Wipe my soul clean,
Drown away my sorrows,
Take me to the clouds,
Run your magic
Down dirty lanes
Of fear and regret;
Present to the world
The flavour
Of a clean swipe,
Of new beginnings,
Of colourful rainbows
And happier days
Like those from a fairytale;
Come, dear rain,
Please wash away
All the worries
That I’ve hidden
Deep within;
Wash away the tears
As they fall,
When I walk on the streets
Thinking of those two people
Who mean the world to me;
Oh rain, please set me free.

Fatherly love

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Another poem explaining the interesting life of my neighbour, who happens to be a close friend.

That one day,
For the first time
That I received a pat,
Is the first time in my life
It ever felt that close;
It was the first sign
Of encouragement
I had gotten;
The very first signal
Of a fatherly touch,
Of love and care,
And a warm smile,
An affection so rare;
It was the first time ever
And I know it would also be the last;
I shall forever remember
That magical bid of farewell
And the wonders it had done for me
Above others,
As I boarded the bus that night
Away from home.

Help me

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This is because one of my other neighbors, Ms.A was worrying about her father today; being old, he had told her that he’d collapse any day; her lament had fuelled today’s poetry.

Help me
Understand the cruel ways
That the world runs upon;
Help me
Overcome my worst fears,
Help me wipe my tears,
Help me
See everything in silence
And to not run away;
Help me
Face all that I have to,
While I turn into a stone
Without emotions,
Numbing my brain,
Freezing my thoughts in place;
Rescue me
From this pain, this sorrow
From the icy cold stabs
Running deep inside;
Leave me not
To suffer alone in the dark,
To fend for myself;
Lend me some love,
Some care,
And tell me you’re always there.

Screaming it out

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This post is written for Mr.K of my neighbouring apartment – after his daughter narrated me a scene from their everyday story. She tells me everything, and I know the K family pretty well.

Every single day
That I see you adjust
For something less
Than you deserve,
Every time
I see you compromise
To something
Without hesitation,
Every moment
That I see
When you go away nonchalantly
Blaming it on fate,
When all this time,
I had been waiting
At your disposal,
I had been waiting to help,
To be utilized,
To be asked a favour;
Each time I know
That you don’t get what you want
Your apathy,
Your silence,
Your evenness
Offers me grief;
If it was possible
To scream
At the top of my voice
As my heart gets torn
Into pieces,
If I could bear the pain,
If I had the strength
To get the shrill cry
Out of my insides,
If I could
With one last deafening cry
Shatter this earth
Into dust,
Taking out all of the pain
And guilt
From inside me,
Then I would.

Make it go away

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Please take this pain away,

For, it’s killing me

To be away

From love that I could never get,

To be away

From the care I’ve always dreamed to have

Please make this pain

Go away,

Or please make it numb

So I could sit all day

Not feeling this anymore

As tears turn into plain water,

As all the sorrow

Is buried in a shell,

And thrown out of sight;

Please take me someplace

Where all this pain vanishes –

Take me to a place

Where I can forget

All this hurt, all this coldness,

Where I can shed my ego

And wander about

With a transparent soul,

One that reflects purity

And happiness,

As all the dark clouds looming around

Have gone.

Unworthy

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Being unworthy

Of friendship,

Letting go of those

That had shown mercy

Unknowingly

During times of difficulty;

Letting go of those

Who were once everything,

Whose simple existence,

Senseless everyday banter, abyss-deep care

Freed all demons

That occupied the mind;

Undeserving of all the care received thus far,

Incapable of love,

Inefficient in understanding

What it means

To have a friend in life,

Unworthy of attention –

As light is shed upon this,

And as everyone leaves

One by one,

The demons come back

This time, even stronger

To corrupt the newly emptied mind.

Friendship Day

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A poem written from the perspective of someone I know:

It’s just another day

Craving for one

To recognise

The pricks of those ruthless thorns,

To understand

Each day spent in agony,

To heal

Every aching wound,

To forget

All the hatred, the ego,

And to forgive and to forget;

Craving

To be one’s own friend,

To be there for oneself –

It’s ‘friendship day’, they say,

Having not many friends,

Running away from the very few left,

Into an empty place

Without barricades,

To a place

Where there’s no one to call ‘friend’,

Wondering why

There are still a few left

Why they refuse to extricate themselves

From the circle

Of an unwanted person,

With a screwed-up mind,

From a meaningless bond –

They’ve been shown

Not to meddle anymore

Into any affairs with this ‘friend’

Because friendship is not what you’ll get;

Feeling sorry for befriending so many,

Wiping away from the mind

All the memories made,

And running away,

Far, far away,

Is the only way

To celebrate this friendship day.