Rain, come again

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Rain, oh rain,
Come again
And again –
Tonight
And tomorrow
And every other day;
Wipe my soul clean,
Drown away my sorrows,
Take me to the clouds,
Run your magic
Down dirty lanes
Of fear and regret;
Present to the world
The flavour
Of a clean swipe,
Of new beginnings,
Of colourful rainbows
And happier days
Like those from a fairytale;
Come, dear rain,
Please wash away
All the worries
That I’ve hidden
Deep within;
Wash away the tears
As they fall,
When I walk on the streets
Thinking of those two people
Who mean the world to me;
Oh rain, please set me free.

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Fatherly love

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Another poem explaining the interesting life of my neighbour, who happens to be a close friend.

That one day,
For the first time
That I received a pat,
Is the first time in my life
It ever felt that close;
It was the first sign
Of encouragement
I had gotten;
The very first signal
Of a fatherly touch,
Of love and care,
And a warm smile,
An affection so rare;
It was the first time ever
And I know it would also be the last;
I shall forever remember
That magical bid of farewell
And the wonders it had done for me
Above others,
As I boarded the bus that night
Away from home.

Help me

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This is because one of my other neighbors, Ms.A was worrying about her father today; being old, he had told her that he’d collapse any day; her lament had fuelled today’s poetry.

Help me
Understand the cruel ways
That the world runs upon;
Help me
Overcome my worst fears,
Help me wipe my tears,
Help me
See everything in silence
And to not run away;
Help me
Face all that I have to,
While I turn into a stone
Without emotions,
Numbing my brain,
Freezing my thoughts in place;
Rescue me
From this pain, this sorrow
From the icy cold stabs
Running deep inside;
Leave me not
To suffer alone in the dark,
To fend for myself;
Lend me some love,
Some care,
And tell me you’re always there.

Screaming it out

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This post is written for Mr.K of my neighbouring apartment – after his daughter narrated me a scene from their everyday story. She tells me everything, and I know the K family pretty well.

Every single day
That I see you adjust
For something less
Than you deserve,
Every time
I see you compromise
To something
Without hesitation,
Every moment
That I see
When you go away nonchalantly
Blaming it on fate,
When all this time,
I had been waiting
At your disposal,
I had been waiting to help,
To be utilized,
To be asked a favour;
Each time I know
That you don’t get what you want
Your apathy,
Your silence,
Your evenness
Offers me grief;
If it was possible
To scream
At the top of my voice
As my heart gets torn
Into pieces,
If I could bear the pain,
If I had the strength
To get the shrill cry
Out of my insides,
If I could
With one last deafening cry
Shatter this earth
Into dust,
Taking out all of the pain
And guilt
From inside me,
Then I would.

Home

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Here’s a poem that I wrote for my neighbour Mrs.K, overhearing a phone conversation with her daughter:
All I’ve ever wanted

In life

Was to have a home I could go back to –

Cozy and warm,

Where there is no pretense,

Where I can be

My true monstrous self,

Where I can find

Comfort, happiness, peace

And love,

Despite all the hatred that I manage to dump

Upon innocent people;

All I ever wanted 

In life

Is to have one person

Who would care for me

Despite all my flaws,

Who knows me, understands me, 

All my insane thoughts and percepts,

Loves me unconditionally;

And now,

As that one person

Pleads with all her might,

For me to come back,

Yearning for another day with me,

Having a heart made of stone, I deny;

I have everything I’ve ever wanted

And yet nothing.

And as I deny, she pleads even more,

And in every little unhearable beat 

Of my heart,

As every little droplet of blood

Is being pumped out,

One can hear the happiness,

The gratefulness,

Ocean-deep sorrow,

The hurt, the pain,

True love,

The anger, lonesomeness;

Swaying with the rhythm

Of a long-forgotten, woeful song

Sometimes, like the tumultuous waves of the open sea,

My bloodstream rises and falls,

Constricted to the walls of tiny veins,

Unable to rupture and flow free;

And that pressure was able to show me –

I wanna come home, mother,

I really do.

Illusion

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As if there are fire torches

In an underground cavern,

As if there are stars

On a moonless night,

As if there are roses

In a barren desert,

As if there are flecks of hope

In moments of despair,

Here I am,

Trapped in this illusion,

As if there’s love

Amdist all the well-concealed hate.

Waiting

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​Waiting

Every moment

With utmost vigilance,

To capture in memory permanently

That one moment:

One sign

Of love –

One gesture

Of care –

From you,

Hoping

There are things

Left unsaid

Everyday I wait, thinking

That one day you’ll see

My honesty,

You’ll see

That I had always wanted

To be there,

That there had always been 

An empty space

That you hadn’t filled,

But that’s okay.

Still, I know

That there exists a tiny part

Of you

That loves me unconditionally

Like any father does

Their daughter;

Though you never show it to me,

I know it exists.



My only worry

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Every single drop

Of your tears,

Being sharper than a knife –

Shatters me

Into a billion pieces;

All the silent moments,

Those of away-ness,

Days of no response,

Which is all we ever have,

Is saddening;

I realise

That you’ve suffered so much

That you’ve not laughed

With all your heart

Since decades;

Knowing that you will never laugh

The way you did before,

That you’ll never be as carefree

As you had once been,

Knowing that you will

Forever push away

Everyone who comes to help,

Saying they’re not worthy enough

Is why I’m unable

To do anything

But weep silently;

As this inability to be of help

Gnaws my insides

Little by little,

And I shall perish

Worrying about you, father,

Till my last day.

My umbrella

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It rains not every single day,

I forget you’re even there,

Safely resting

In a forgotten corner

Of my little bag;

You’re my umbrella,

Shielding me

From all the pain

That life showers upon me;

You’re my umbrella,

Shielding me from the sun,

Lest my skin should get tan;

You’re my umbrella,

Under which I can hide my tears

Or peel away the everyday facade

Of happiness;

You’re my umbrella,

Although I don’t require one everyday,

I know you’re there, always.

You’re my umbrella, father,

You’re the haven that I always look for.

Vulnerable

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Loneliest of all,

Having no one to listen

To the grief, the sorrow,

Having no one who gives a damn,

Having a friend

Or a person

In life,

Who wants to know

The reason

Behind this loneliness,

This moment of weakness,

This moment

Where any stranger

Can enter

And disrupt the routine

Of an already uneventful life,

Is the most frightening of all.

Being vulnerable

To love that’s fake,

To shallow talks of consolation,

Melting for a tiny word,

Hanging onto it for support,

Believing it would last forever

Is what makes things

Harder.