Loser

I have lost –
Not once,
Not twice,
But many, many times
On many, many days
At many occasions;
Not courageous enough
To pick up the sword and fight,
I have given up
Without much try;
I have surrendered
With swift goodbyes;
Going out had been easier
Than coming in,
And I had lost, many times
To my own self
And to others;
Even if it was painful,
I cared not –
My brittle resolve
Had led me nowhere,
And now, here I am,
Lost in the middle
Of this island
Where lethargy creeps in,
And I settle down for less;
And yet, my brain stays awake,
Entangling all thoughts
To a relentless turmoil
That keeps reminding me
What a loser I had been.